


I WAS YOUR FAVOURITE

by tinywhim



Series: BROKEN WINGS [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Betty!Alex, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, James!Thomas, Light Angst, M/M, Songfic, mentions of cheating, two husbands in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:02:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27711758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinywhim/pseuds/tinywhim
Summary: ❝YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS BUT NOW I'M BLEEDING.❞Alexander is a happily married man but he can't help but think about the past from time to time.Folklore! Jamilton AU.Fic based on the song 'Cardigan' by Taylor Swift.
Relationships: Adrienne de Lafayette/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, thomas jefferson/maria cosway
Series: BROKEN WINGS [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026823
Comments: 14
Kudos: 38





	I WAS YOUR FAVOURITE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shanshala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanshala/gifts).



> It me, ye girl, who started writing Jamilton again.  
> Look at us, who would have thought? Not me.  
> I have been listening to folklore on repeat and I thought that the trilogy Cardigan, August and Betty sounded perfect to write some angsty jamilton fics so I asked you guys if you were interested in me writing that and you said yes, so here we are.  
> I watched the folklore movie, which was interesting because Taylor said that Cardigan takes place 20, 30 years after Betty and August and that James and Betty found each other in the end. We do like happy endings, even if they don't have happy middles or happy starts.  
> Go check Shanshala's jamilton folklore art on their tumblr because it's amazing.

_Alexander didn’t know that a February night could be so warm. They danced under the streetlights after having drunk champagne out of cider cans in a bar and even though it was raining, they were happy because back then, each other was all they ever needed. Thomas told him that he loved him for the very first time under that lamppost that right next to his house and he kissed him until he couldn’t breathe._

* * *

“Babe, you’re ready to go?”

The picture Alexander held was old, he still had his braces that he hated from the moment he got them, people made fun of him because of them but he remembered how Thomas found them beautiful and he thought that maybe, he could be loved after all. 

“Babe?”

Thomas’ head perked through the doorframe and he raised his eyebrows when he saw his husband dressed in his pyjamas, his costume for tonight lying next to him on the bed, holding a framed picture. His hair was still wet from the shower and clung to the back of his neck while he sat cross-legged on the mattress.

“You’re wearing your comfort cardigan,” he noticed. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“You’re feeling sick?”

“No, I just feel…” he paused. “I don’t want to see anyone.”

There was a pregnant pause. 

“I’ll call Gil and Adrienne and tell them we can’t make it, I’m sure they will understand.”

“No, no,” he shook his head. “You go, I’ll stay here.”

“Yeah, right,” he laughed and picked up his phone. “Give me a sec.”

Alexander loved how comprehensive Thomas was, how with just one quick look over him, his husband could tell what he needed. He never had to pretend with him, he never had to tone himself down because Thomas loved all the shades his soul had to offer. He sighed and looked at the picture again, remembering how he’d wanted to burn it, all those years ago. The bed shifted and Thomas rested his chin on his husband’s shoulder as he peered down to look at the picture.

“Why you looking at it, babe?” 

“It was before summer, you remember?”

* * *

_“Alex, Thomas, can you please stop fighting for one second so that I can take a picture of you?”_

_“Yes, Mrs Washington.” Thomas smiled and grabbed Alexander by the waist so that he would stay still._

_“He called me short-stack!” Alexander gasped, outraged._

_“Behave, Alexander.” Martha chided._

_“Yes, mom.” He grumbled and pouted._

_“Smile for the camera, darlin’,”_

_“I don’t like smiling.”_

_“What are you talking about?” he frowned. “You look beautiful when you smile.”_

_What caught Alexander off-guard was how genuine Thomas was and how he immediately dropped the cocky act whenever he felt that his boyfriend needed reassurance. He never made him feel like a burden and not so long ago he had thought that it was something impossible. Despite his best effort, he smiled because how could he not when Thomas was looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing in the world? Alexander had to wait until next week to get the photo but once Martha gave it to him, he cherished it like it was a precious treasure. He knew that this picture was his favourite and that he would keep it close for the rest of his life._

* * *

“I do,” Thomas nodded. “You framed it and put it in your bedroom.”

He paused. 

“I thought that you had burned it, at some point.”

“I wanted to,” he hummed. “But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“All’s been forgiven, Thomas.” He reassured and kissed his husband’s cheek. 

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re damn right you don’t.”

They both laughed and Thomas kicked his shoes off before sitting against the headboard and dragging his husband with him so that he would rest his head on his chest.

“Do you remember the first time we slept together?” Alexander asked. 

“I was so scared George was going to walk on us,” he chuckled. “I can’t believe you sneaked me into your house at midnight on a school day.”

“I guess it was my way of being a teenage rebel.”

“Babe, you didn’t need to fuck me next to your parents’ room to act rebellious, you managed just fine before that.”

“I wasn’t rebellious.”

“Remember that time when you smoked weed in the bathroom?”

“It was that one time!” he frowned. “John asked me if I wanted to try!”

“Rebel.”

“I hate you.”

* * *

_“Are you scared?”_

_“No, Tommy, I’m not.”_

_“You’re shaking.”_

_“I’m just nervous.”_

_“Why?”_

_Because it was real, Thomas was pressing himself against his smaller body, his hands travelling under his shirt and his mouth leaving lovebites where it touched his skin. It wasn't a dream, he was very much awake, painfully aware that everything could go wrong. He knew that he looked nothing like Thomas, he wasn’t built like a Greek god, he hated sports and he still had his stupid braces on._

_“Because you’re Thomas Jefferson, the golden boy.”_

_“I’m not a golden boy,” he chuckled through his nose. “I’m just Thomas.”_

_“You’re everyone’s dream at school, Thomas, and I’m-”_

_“My wonderful boyfriend.”_

_Thomas grabbed his chin before Alexander could avert his eyes and forced his boyfriend to look at him._

_“I’m scared to mess it up.”_

_“If you mess up, we’ll just have to try again,” he kissed him. “And again, and again.”_

_Alexander slightly relaxed at his words and nodded._

_“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Thomas said. “If you just need someone to hold you, I can do that. We have all the time in the world.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Alexander, I love you,” he softly spoke. “Nothing will ever come between that.”_

_How could someone blame a teenage boy for wanting to fly so high? For hoping that he could be loved, flaws and quality undistinguished? Alexander believed him with all his heart, he put his trust into these words and maybe that was why the sting hurt so much afterwards._

* * *

“We were just kids back then.” Alexander sighed.

“We didn’t know anything.” 

Didn’t they? Alexander felt like he knew everything when he was young, he knew about politics, economics, social issues, he knew which cafeteria cake was Thomas’ favourite was and how he didn’t like coffee and prefered hot chocolate. He knew that despite being surrounded by many people, he still felt alone except for James. 

“Do you ever think about that summer?” Alexander asked while Thomas caressed his hair.

“I do and I regret it every single day.”

They never talked about Thomas’ mistake because it wasn’t something that could be changed. It was a time of his life where Alexander thought he could fight the whole world and win as long as Thomas addressed him with a smile. He never quite understood why Peggy had been the one to tell him about Maria Cosway and how she saw her meet with Thomas behind a mall while he was away with his family that summer but there were things in life that you couldn’t control. 

He remembered going to school the day after, the insidious rumours spread like wildfire and all Alexander could do was burn. It felt like a walk of shame even though he had done nothing wrong and he hated how people looked at him as if he was just another victim, he hated how people weren’t even surprised that it happened because after all, he was just Alexander Hamilton and it wasn’t like it was going to work anyway.

* * *

_"What did I do wrong?"_

_"You did nothing wrong, Alex," Eliza reassured him as she patted his back. "It's not your fault."_

_"No, it's that fucker's."_

_"Angelica, you're not helping." She chided her sister._

_"I don't regret slapping him."_

_"You slapped him?" Alexander blinked, tears rolling down his cheeks._

_"Of course I did, who do you take me for?"_

_Alexander wanted to ask why Maria Cosway but he already knew the answer, she was everything he could never be, beautiful, effortlessly charming, poised... perfect for someone like Thomas. When he saw her two days later, he noticed that even her makeup couldn't hide the dark under her eyes and he understood that it wasn't just about him. It was about the three of them and he realized that she had fallen for Thomas too and how could he blame her for that? He told her that he knew why she did it and she simply started crying and what he hated the most was that he understood why.  
_

_"He's going to come back," he said to Peggy who held him tight in his arms while he sobbed. "I know he's going to come back to me."_

_Angelica once told him that he was an Icarus, doomed from the start and if he was an Icarus then Thomas was his sun, scorching his skin, his eyes tearing holes in his soul where he left nothing but a fragment of what they could have been. He felt so useless and worn out, just like his cardigan he tossed at the end of his bed. He clung to himself at night, crying and as miserable as a dying candle, nothing but waxed poetry escaping from his wounds and the stars were nowhere to be seen._

* * *

“Is that why you didn’t want to go out tonight?” Thomas asked. “Because you were thinking about what happened?”

“I dunno, I just… I felt nostalgic.”

“You know that it will never happen again, right?”

Alexander could see the hidden anxiety in his husband’s eyes, he could see how scared he was to lose him again but Thomas had nothing to fear because Alexander knew that he would never be able to let him go anyway. They both came a long way after Thomas came to his porch and begged for forgiveness, they still weren’t perfect, there were days when mean things could be said but it never diminished their love for each other. He gently squeezed Thomas’ hands and smiled. 

“I know.”

“Good.”

“Can tonight be about us? Just us?”

“Every night can always be about us, babe.”

“Tell that to our kids who wake us up because they threw up in their beds.”

“You love them, though.”

“I do,” he said. “And I love you.”

“I love you too.”

For Alexander, it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Watch me rewrite that in two months cause I'll hate it.  
> Leave a kudo if you liked it and a comment if you loved it and if you want to quickly make a friend who would kill for you, do both.


End file.
